3 Stranded Sex
I've been waiting all week to write this post, because, in my super humble opinion, we do couples a huge disservice by only talking about sex in hushed, awkward tones, or as though you'll get dirty just by speaking about it.
And yes, sex is an intimate, sacred experience a married couple shares. And yes, the world has gone out of its way to malign that holy image. But, people, God created sex. With a specific purpose in mind. And if we don't know what that purpose is and how to carry it out, we are missing out. On passion. On pleasure. On blessing.
So, without further ado, here are a few ways to create a three-stranded sex life.
1) Talk more about sex with your partner. I think we can all agree that God gave sex as a gift to married people. Biochemically it draws us together, it rewires our brains to be nice to each other, it creates life, and it makes making up after a fight a whole lot easier. Yet even within the context of marriage we often find that couples act like it's a secret gift - something they aren't going to discuss, just hopefully enjoy. However, few things in life work that way. If you're not talking about what you like, how you like it, and when you like it, start now. And while you're at it, have a discussion about what you think God created sex for (keep reading for my take on that).
2) Pray more during sex with your partner. I know, I know, Saturday night sex and Sunday morning prayer seem eons apart. But, what if sex is the living representation of the gospel? Paul and I believe that each marriage is meant to paint a picture of Christ's sacrificial love for the church, and we can only paint that picture vividly to the world publicly to the degree that we are conjuring that picture in the privacy of our marriage. Sex allows us to be vulnerably intimate with each other in a way nothing else does. We come together as one flesh, in a holy and sacred way. But I'll confess, Paul and I missed out on this spiritual aspect of sex for a long time. Then, one day, we were challenged to invite the Holy Spirit into our love-making. Which was weird, and awkward, and something I couldn't do, so I made Paul pray for us just as the making out was leading to the good stuff. And now I doubt we even get our clothes off without one of us praying, inviting the Spirit's presence and blessing, asking Him to make us one (and for heaven's sake to keep the kids asleep). So now our Saturday night worship bleeds into Sunday morning easily as Jesus grows our intimacy with each other and with Him.
3) Make sex more about your partner. Love at it's core is self-sacrifice. So any time we choose to love sacrificially, especially, I believe, in marriage, the Spirit is present. Creating intimacy that glorifies and represents Jesus, then, should involve a lot of self sacrifice. We should consider and act on our partner's desires, being more concerned with their pleasure than our own. I'm not going to say a lot here, other than that if you aren't doing this, try it. I promise it's worth it. And if you're confused or worried about how that might play out practically, give us a call. Life is too short to have bad sex.
If you've made it this far, (Mom, you have grandkids, don't look surprised) thank you for engaging in this often misrepresented or avoided discussion. We welcome your tasteful comments or honest questions either in the comments section below or via private message!